I used to look at the night sky and see stars. Now I look up there and see a populated place, full of life and intelligence. I see the homes of my brothers and sisters, civilizations full of people, beings, races of beauty and sophistication, of enslavement and domination; a mirror of Earth.

What a shift I have undergone. I see the world so differently than I did just a year ago. My entire world has turned inside out, just as I had envisioned. The most critical difference is how my view of my reality has transformed. A few months ago, standing on the top of Airport Mesa, I walked over the threshold and fully allowed myself to go into the knowing that reality is consciousness.

I was looking at the nighttime city view spreading before me. I began to recognize, in a felt way, that I was making the whole thing up, that the city lights glimmering in the valley below me are in my imagination, ultimately. I am struck simultaneously by the vastness and immense power of my imagination, the imagination of God. Thoughts of my parents, my friends, and memories flashed before my mind’s eye and then it all came back, to me. Grant. This guy. This sweet, funny, endearingly insecure dude. He’s doing his best. He’s fallen and gotten back up. He’s seen through so much bullshit, and is on a mission to see through more. He loves his family and his friends and his life so much. He’s done so much to make something beautiful of himself and those around him. Can he really be made-up too?

Yes. The answer welled up and I made the decision not to run from my own funeral this time. I had been to this precipice in my mind before on several occasions. Each time I backed away. For some reason, this time, I found the will to remain.

The mind only arrives at this convergence occasionally. Each time presents a rare and precious opportunity to re-write one’s entire psychology; to make a fundamental existential shift from living as an individual in reality, to dreaming awake as the cosmos experiencing itself. It’s pretty profound.

Now, the challenge is to hold on to this realization in the hustle bustle of everyday life. It is very easy to get sucked back into character, to become engulfed in the goings on, in being Grant. In the Vijnana Bhairav Tantra, it says that the ultimate truth should not be taught to anyone with looping thought patterns, so I’m seeing a local swami who’s helping me meditate and clear my mind since I seem to have put the cart before the horse.