I have such a deep longing, like a soul obsession with freedom. I love getting to the truth of things, and peace is great, but freedom really strikes a chord for me. That’s the long and short of it.

External, or internal freedom?

That is the question I suppose. It can be nice to cancel on things, to dip out on a commitment you really weren’t feeling like committing to anyway… but, why? What is that really giving me? An internal sense of freedom—of having honored myself in my truest deepest felt desire.

I suppose one way of doing this is to honor myself completely in all of my interactions, in my life, in the little ways: to never not be doing what I want to be doing in any given moment. But even to do that effectively takes internal work. You see, in order to be my truest – freest self externally, I must have done the work in order to feel that freedom and move from that sense of freedom.

So, the work is internal primarily. The freedom is internal primarily. Does this make me feel more free? Or less free?

Is it my external circumstances that are making me feel unfree? Or my internal ones?

What is the point of doing anything if I am not free in it? If it is not leading me toward higher and higher, greater and deeper freedom? Until finally one day, I am totally and completely free?

So, that is my liberation axis. It’s freedom. I’m not sure how I didn’t put this one together until now. My desire for freedom is so primal, so deep and so attractive. It’s the one thing I want with all of my soul above anything else. It’s no wonder I was born in a country who’s founding mantra is “Liberty and Justice for All” or that I grew up hearing mythological stories of the founding of the country on this basic principle. Or that later in childhood I became attracted immediately and magnetically to hippies… Anyone with dreadlocks immediately held my entire attention. Or that I feel attracted to a religion: Hinduism, that has as its aim or goal: moksha – “liberation.” 

This isn’t an accident. It’s all lining up. It all makes sense now. It makes sense that the ultimate liberation would be from the Self; from the sense of separate identity. This is a level of freedom I don’t know if I will obtain in this lifetime, but can damn well try.

Before freedom from the Self, there is of the self, that is to say, freedom to be myself without hindrance of fear, compulsion, or patterning. I believe these two will converge at some point. To me, there is no more exciting goal or path, than seeking that which is already inside: liberation. The path of freedom is an expansive path that is trodden by the few, not the many, although more and more are coming to it now that global civilization is shifting so clearly.

The light is so very bright yet few there are who find it. The path is clear, yet many will choose the winding way. I certainly did, not only in a practical sense but also in a spiritual one, and yet, I have to admit that I’ve done a pretty good job of staying free. Yet I also acknowledge that the ultimate freedom is that which does not put any restraint or limitation upon the soul. It is the freedom to be unfree. The freedom to acknowledge limitation, and yet be completely free within it. One teacher put it this way: the truest freedom is not freedom to impose one’s will upon one’s reality completely, but to do whatever is appropriate in the moment without hinderance or hesitation. I supposed it is a place where appropriate action and will are fused into one.

The dream character can only do so much, walk so far, sleep so long, work so hard. It can acknowledge the infinite, but is itself incapable of symbolically representing it in its truth. The body is not the galaxy and this table is not my arm, yet all three are originally made of the same stuff. The table is the galaxy is my arm… This paradox must be realized in full before the next step can be taken.

The beings up on Mount Shasta told me that the physical realm is a “light show” and can never truly tell me who I am, only relative reflections can be made or perceived in the world of form. They urged me to figure out who I was without “these pretty lights” and to remain as that and act from that place. The hint they gave was that it is a vibration which permeates all things, felt primarily in the heart center. I also felt it in the belly this morning.